A de-Lush-ous Love affair

There is something wrong happening, i think i have a "Love-interest" ! Well it might sound normal or as something good in some cases but NOT in mine ;/ .... Hmm, well my journey with love wasn't something i would call pleasant, i will be posting later about it but as for now i will include what's relevant.... Sometime in my life not very long ago LUSH fell in love head over heels for the wrong guy (Typical LOL), then ofcourse got her heart all broken and went through all the ugly stages of a broken heart, but being me i didn't just accept it and move on, No ofcourse Not ! I kept going back and forth endlessly, humiliated myself in times and felt strong in others.. I didn't stop there, i made the ultimate MISTAKE, which is "Fixing wrong with more wrong".. Yes i kept abusing myself Emotionally thinking it would feel better but ofcourse it never does !! U can go ahead and blame me, judge me or whatever, but i was hurt so deep that i couldn't think properly and unfortunately i didn't have the kinda friends or someone that would be there for me through it all.. i dealt with things all on my own, so most of the time the way i dealt with them was Wrong......

So Yeah a short recap of some basic stuff, i met Him "The ex" back when i was only 18, stayed with him for 2 whole miserable years then broke up just before last summer, kept going on and off throughout the summer holiday, by the end of August i knew i had to shake him off and atleast try to move on coz it was never working.. I then started seeing other people, but i couldn't i kept thinking of him and him only, kept comparing everyone to him which then lead me back after being strong for a couple of month to go back to him again and typically ending to break-up after a couple of weeks.. I think the thing was "Te3ewid" ! That i met him when i was so young only 18, and 2 years mo shwaya.. He wasn't the first BF i have but he was the first Serious one, the ones before were just le3ib yahal to me, i admit that i was a player but come on i was only 16-17 !! Plus i rejected alot only a few i actualy dated and made it clear to them that i'm not serious ! With him it was different from the start, he was the first to make my heart skip a beat, give me butterflies just hearing his voice, his smile would make my day no matter what.... He said he felt the same about me, i did feel his love for me at some point but there was things !!Alot of other things that showed that his love was not as big or even close to mine, or maybe that was HIS way of loving i don't know.. All i know that he wasn't the right person for me, never knew my worth, used me alot and the fact that i'm in love with him and totally took me for granted, treated me so so badly, lied and cheated to top of everything else.. i knew i deserved better but it was so hard for me to leave.. i get dumped alot and yet keep on going back.. Yes "Enthalait" bs knt a7iba maknt afakir ! Elmohim, it's all over now and we're no longer together.. By November that's when all the crazy stuff happened, i was out of it, i wanted to feel better and feel better FAST.. I started hanging out with my friends alot, met new people, got involved in alot of social stuff in my university and ofcourse PARTY PARTY PARTY LOL.. That worked for a while, i kinda started adapting to being single, i never was single for more than a 2 weeks before LOL, crazy isn't it !! But true shensawe ba3ad :P ...... I was trying to heal myself, get myself all back together, fix my head, rearrange my thoughts and start building an idea of what i relay want.. It was cool ! I never had THAT much time to myself in a long time, it felt weird not having a guy and actually being REALLY single but i began to love it !! I could go out with my friends anytime i want without worrying that i have to be home at that time to talk to Him, i can have guy friends without worrying about his feelings or if he wouldn't feel comfortable about it, wow there was ALOT of things i could do LOL.... But that didn't last for long ! "Bo6bai3 ma eyoz 3an 6ab3a" ;) ...... I went back to Kuwait in Christmas Break, and here goes that little annoying feeling kicking in.. It was Eid time + Newyear, and i was alone =( .... No one special to share this with ! It got to me, alot ! It's not coz ana abe al3ab, or coz i need a man, yemkin tefhomni 3'ala6, bs that's the Bad thing in me !! I'm a very emotional/sensitive girl, i belive in love, i desperately want it to happen, it's wrong, or maybe i should wait, bs madre a7is i want to fall in love i want that happily ever after and i want it SOON !! So yeah i went kinda crazy during Christmas break, i'll be posting about it later as well but all the dates were UN-successful, which only made me all depressed again, broke some hearts, mislead a couple and played with few others,i'm not proud of it but u'll understand later.. I am VERY confused yarabe =(




Ok akamil next post :P
Take care all :*